Everything you care about in one place
Follow feeds: blogs, news, RSS and more. An effortless way to read and digest content of your choice.
Get Feedertheonion.com
The Onion
Get the latest updates from The Onion directly as they happen.
Follow now 18 followers
Latest posts
Last updated about 3 hours ago
Child Given First Stock To Learn About Losing Everything Early
about 3 hours ago
HUNTINGTON, NY—Eagerly explaining to the 9-year-old that the investment was already down...
JD Vance Rushed To Walter Reed After Inner Hillbilly Returns
about 22 hours ago
The post JD Vance Rushed To Walter Reed After Inner Hillbilly Returns...
Nintendo Warns Users Not To Remove Protective Foreskin From Switch 2
1 day ago
REDMOND, WA—Issuing a warning before the console’s highly anticipated launch this week...
Man Cuts Back From 6 Normal Beers Per Day To 3 Huge Ones
1 day ago
BRAINERD, MN—Admitting that it was finally time to grow up and start...
Proactive Man Starts Working On Dracula Impression Early So It Ready For Halloween
1 day ago
BEVERLY, MA—Launching into preparations months early in an effort to get a...
MAGA Voter Assumed Trump Would Only Deport People On List She Mailed To White House
2 days ago
SAN DIEGO—Shocked by the Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids affecting her very...
Befuddled Magnus Carlsen Bested By Dreaded Checkmate Gambit
2 days ago
STAVANGER, NORWAY—Moments after a stunning defeat by 19-year-old Indian prodigy Gukesh Dommaraju...
Musk Weighs Return To Politics After 60th Death On ‘Elden Ring Nightreign’ Tutorial
2 days ago
AUSTIN, TX—Reconsidering his recent departure from Washington as the words ‘YOU DIED’...
Give It Some Juice, Report Sources Fiddling Under Car Hood
2 days ago
RENO, NV—Switching out the torque wrench for something with a little more...
Japan Celebrates New Sumo Champion After Years Of Mongolian Dominance
2 days ago
Japan has a new sumo grand champion and the first Japanese competitor...
Tips For Preventing And Treating Tick Bites
2 days ago
Summer is tick season. The Onion shares tips for protecting yourself from...
U.S. Cancels Bird Flu Vaccine
4 days ago
The Trump administration canceled a contract awarded to Moderna for the late-stage...