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Latest posts
Last updated about 2 hours ago
Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed
about 2 hours ago
COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Wincing from a pounding headache and hazy memories of debauchery...
Disney Promises ‘Star Wars’ Fans A New Era Of Blind Stabs At What They Seemed To Like Before
about 2 hours ago
BURBANK, CA—Hinting at an exciting new phase for the beloved franchise, the...
Mysterious Gerbil Watches From Edge Of Yard As Family Hamster Laid To Rest
about 2 hours ago
The post Mysterious Gerbil Watches From Edge Of Yard As Family Hamster...
Trump Posts Late-Night Truth Social Rant Claiming Circuses Not Violent Enough
about 2 hours ago
WASHINGTON—Alleging that the shows had grown shamefully timid and unexciting to watch...
Nicholas Geary
about 2 hours ago
Nicholas Geary, 52, died peacefully Monday. Quite peacefully, in fact— almost indifferently...
Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings
about 19 hours ago
The post Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings appeared first...
Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO
about 22 hours ago
The post Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into...
‘Michael’ Criticized For Depicting Neverland Ranch With Cooler Rides Than It Actually Had
1 day ago
WASHINGTON—Denouncing what they called a “sickening” misrepresentation of the facts, critics of...
Soybean Wishes It Could Just Be A Soybean And Have That Be Enough
1 day ago
CARMI, IL—Expressing anxiety over the immense pressure it faced to become various...
UFC Broadcasters Look Like It
1 day ago
The post UFC Broadcasters Look Like It appeared first on The Onion.
Nation’s Dads Yearn For Chance To Back Large Vehicle Into Tight Spot
1 day ago
WASHINGTON—Saying the opportunity to masterfully execute a difficult parking job was never...